The unexercised bunch

Did you ever notice that there is no unity in the Anti-exercise front? I mean if you google the word exercise you get 126.000.000 results, it is a very trendy topic and everybody thinks they have the right to tell you how to work out. Apparently they want you to do some exercise really badly. And often. Preferably until you feel sore. The question is, are you just as sick of all the “I’m cool, I exercise the whole day, you just lazy” drama?

This is the right time to get together and shout “Un-worked out folks of the world, unite!

Let’s start with understanding which common mistakes and frequent misunderstandings lead to our daily discrimination:

1)      It’s easy to put off exercise.

No it isn’t! You have to be strong-willed, and very good at procrastination. It’s not everybody’s cup ‘o tea.

2)      People quit/don’t start working out because of – confusion – boredom –laziness – you don’t know how to exercise.

What!? Am I wrong or are they trying to make us sound stupid? This my answer: Oh frenetic jumping and sweating people, I beg you not to offend the quality that makes us, the gentle desk warmers, want to reduce our overall energy expenditure. We are intelligent, efficient creatures who deserve to be treated appropriately. Period.

3)      Stop making excuses.

Wait, I don’t call your arguments excuses, now do I? That is just impolite.

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Since we deserve an evidence based theory, here are my humble remarks:

1) You can’t be good at everything. We are good at foreplay. And by that I refer to the “You can’t perform exercise on an empty stomach” kind of foreplay.

2) Exercise can be harmful if you burn yourself out. We go at our own pace. Don’t get me wrong, health is important, but walking, bicycling to work and gardening are some excellent replace activities for gym work out. Besides, you get to be outside and store some fresh air.

3) We are deep breathing and meditation champions. It doesn’t mean that we don’t get hysteric at times, but.. oh well… As Robert Benchley said “I do my best work sitting down. That’s where i shine.”

4)      Exercise equipment looks just terrible, but I admit it can be useful to dry clothes.

5) We have some serious sources on our side. For example TIME Magazine with “The Myth About Exercise”, a series of doctors like Lawrence Wilson, experienced bloggers like Haven Kimmel, Frank Forencich and last but not least my grandma (sorry no link available).

6) It has not yet been demonstrated, but it seems likely that exercise is not good for our mental capability. To support this theory, some quotes from professional athletes:

“I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.” Golfer Greg Norman

Shaquille O’Neal  on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece: “I can’t really remember the names of the clubs we went to.”

“My sister’s expecting a baby, and I don’t know if I’m going to be an uncle or an aunt.” Chuck Nevitt basketball player explaining to his coach why he appeared nervous at practice.

“He’s a guy who gets up at 6 o’clock in the morning regardless of what time it is.” Boxing trainer Lou Duva.

7)      Compulsive exercise addiction is a serious illness. BAM!

8a) The human couch warmer never thinks he is doing the most brilliant thing. People who exercise tend to feel superior and like to pity you. I just want to point out that the “One best way” school of thought has been outmoded by the “One best fit” one… in the 1960’s!

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If someone wants to join my army or add some witty remarks, please feel free (and asked) to comment below 🙂

Stay tuned for : “Unexercise me please – A guide to a healthy sedentary life”.

For the record: